and you said cock pushups were impossible
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
