the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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