You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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