I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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