She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
