Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
