My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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