just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
this will be a night to untag.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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