Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
