At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
