Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
