Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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