great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm getting married
To pizza
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
