my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
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So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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