I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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