I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
