im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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