My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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