Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
