Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
