I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
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I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize