when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
