Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
