Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
