my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize