That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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