The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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