I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
