the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
