Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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