Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So much Jack, so little girl.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Will exercising make me less horny?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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