apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
