I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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