I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
