4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
