oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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