Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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