i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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