I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
