She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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