were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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