Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
