Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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