I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
