Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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