i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
