Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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