this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
