just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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