you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
