When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
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One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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