where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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