I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
