the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
