Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
