So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
