dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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