She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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