I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
