new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
