I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
