I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
