I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
