i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
this just has baby written all over it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
