Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
