I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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