She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
