On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
