I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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