cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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