Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we're making bets on your personal life
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
