when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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