Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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